To continue, dad calls to say he’s on his way. L picks up.
L: “Dad, I need you to be very sensitive to mom. If you start to see her eyes start to water, it’s because she had a difficult day. And you really love your wife, so let’s try to be very sensitive to her.”
D: “Yes, I do love my wife.”
Rotten day, yesterday. Worst day of my career. I’ve never seen a more ridiculous set of adults in my life. I’ll leave it there. Left work early. Picked up the lad from school.
The goal: Do not cry. Do not cry. Do not cry.
I cried.
L: “Mom, what’s wrong? Why are you sad?”
M: “Some people at work weren’t very nice to me. You know when you’re really good at something and no one can see it? That’s what it felt like. Felt like I was embedded in a world of aliens.”
L: “I’m so sorry, mom. I don’t want you to be sad. I love you. You’re the most amazing person I know. And I think you’re really good at what you do.”
M: “Thanks, sweetie. That means everything to me.”
L: “I’ll be very sensitive to you. Let’s go do my homework. Then we’ll sit together under a blanket and you can put your head on my shoulder and hopefully you’ll feel better.”
M: “I’m sure I will.”
M: “It’s time to sign up for chess club.”
L: “Oh, man, seriously? Please… Not this time.”
M: “But you’re so good at it. I wish I could play like you. Why not?”
L: “If you were to eat the same thing every single day of your life, it would get boring, right? It wouldn’t be zesty anymore, right? That’s what chess feels like to me right now. It’s the same thing over and over. Can I please take a break?”
Well said. He did win his last tournament. Maybe someday…
Finally, a much-needed hair cut. Being a nut, I shun the usual Super Duper Easy Cuts and go for something a bit different. I love his hair. It’s beautiful. Not as blonde or as curly as it once was, but abundant, lovely hair.
Let’s keep it long. Just a touch off the sides. Maybe…?
Haircutter: “L, who’s in charge of your hair? You or your mom?”
L: “Hmmm… That’s a good question. She made me. I guess you’d better ask her.”
When learning to ski for the first time, dress in brightly colored garb. You will not get lost in a crowd.
L: “Mom, do you love your bike?”
M: “Yeah, it’s okay.”
L: “When I ride, I feel like I’m one with my bike. I feel like the wind.”
L: “Is there anything more beautiful than this?”
L: “Why is it cooler at a higher elevation if we’re closer to the sun?’
L: “How did I go from breathing fluid to breathing air? I don’t get the whole birth process. I don’t have gills, right?”
Me: “I’ll get back to you on those questions…”
First Grade Girl: “What type of mascara does L use?”
Me: “He doesn’t wear any mascara.”
FGG: “Then how do you explain those eyelashes?”
Me: “He stood in line twice for those.”
L-“I’m not nervous. I’m not nervous. I’m totally comfortable. I’m really excited. I’m just so not nervous.”
Teacher during K initiation, circle time:
“Does anyone have any feelings or thoughts he or she would like to share?
L-“Yes, I’m really, really nervous.”
Teacher: “Thank you for sharing that. Does anyone else feel that way?”
Many, many hands instantly fly upward. OF COURSE. Everyone’s petrified. Including me.
My Kid Wears A Gas Mask 