Early Onset Teenager (EOT) Averted

Just as L began talking about his many conquests (the holding hands, pulling hair variety), this morning he asked where all of his stuffies had gone.

L: “Do we still have Stingy and Sharky and Woofy?”

M: “I think we do.”

Pan to the bed where Sammy the ice-cream sandwich, Bully the bulldog, Ali the albino alligator, and the above are now resting.

There is a reason we don’t throw everything away. The purple blanket he’s slept with from his first breath is still accessible in a heartbeat. Especially because I have it in triplicate.

Can never be too prepared for age eight or eighteen.


Eight or 18?

Some ramblings from last night:

L: “I think L and I broke up. I think we’re better as friends.”

M: “You broke up? Broke up from what? What do you mean?”

L: “Well, she was crushing pretty hard on me and I really like her, but in the end, I think we’ll be friends.”

M: (Aghast.)

L: “So now, I’m thinking about C only I think she likes V and I’m not sure I’ll get anywhere with that.”

M: “Where is ‘anywhere?'”

L: “You know, when you like someone. LIKE like.”

M: “I think you and dad are going to have that talk sooner rather than later.”

L: “Oh, gross. Do we have to?”

Past Tense, or “She’s So Fine”

Had a flashback this morning.

The Setting: Oscar broadcast, 2005 (I think).

The Presenter: Salma Hayek. I believe L is on the verge of walking, is still sporting diapers, and is quite mobile.

He crawls/scootches/drags himself to the television set, hoists himself up and plants a giant, wet, all-in kiss on Miss Hayek while she’s trilling about “Best….”


Did my unsullied, innocent cherub just French Salma Hayek?

Why, yes. Yes he did. (Good taste.)


Forwards and Backward

L: “Hey mom, what’s a paylindroh er…?”

M: A palindrome is a word, or a series of words, you know, a sequence, whose meaning is the same going either direction, forwards or backwards.

L: “Can you give me an example?”

M: Yeah, sure. I used to play around with them all the time. Right now, I’m sorta struggling to come up with anything. Oh wait, POOP. P-O-O-P, same word forwards and backwards.

L: (Pause.)      “Or maybe ‘lion oil?’

M: (Spoken in garbled, barely audible flat voice) Yeah, that works. So does poop.

Show off.